Paris, the City of Lovers (and this Future YASCer)

If you are reading this blog, then you know that I will be spending the next year serving with YASC in some foreign country. But until this point I have not written anything about where I will be going and what I will be doing. Why it has taken me so long to fill you in? I have no idea!

So here it is (drumroll please): sometime in August, I will be moving to Paris! Whhhhaaaaaattttt?!?! Yes, you did read that right, I will be moving back to France this coming year! 

It's crazy and never in my wildest dreams did I expect it! And to be honest with you, I was, in a small way, disappointed at first. Now before you go thinking that I've lost my mind, let me explain. Going into this I fully expected to be traveling to a country that we (at least I) typically think of when we think of missionary work: a country in Africa, Central America, South America, etc - somewhere that I've never been. I was thrilled about this prospect; I love visiting new places. Sure that can be scary and definitely out of my comfort zone, but I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity to challenge myself. To rely fully on God and the people I would be meeting there. And almost as important, I would learn to further trust in myself.

And then the email arrived, asking me if I was okay with my placement being in Paris. As I've mentioned, I was shocked. I spent a year studying abroad in France. I visited Paris many times. I am, in many ways (excluding language skills), comfortable in Paris. God, why are you sending me there? So, like I always do when I am confused and questioning, I called my dad. AND HE LAUGHED! Laughed because this is hilarious. I did say I wanted to go back. And now I can never say that God doesn't listen to my prayers! 

I realized through this conversation with my dad and a few others (all of whom laughed when I told them) that God is calling me to Paris for a reason. Maybe God is putting me there because God wants me in a comfortable place so that I can be in more uncomfortable situations. Maybe there is another reason. All I know is that I am meant to somehow further God's kingdom in that community. And I am still going to have to rely fully on God, the people I'll meet there, and myself.

So what will I be doing in Paris? I will be working at the American Cathedral there, working with youth ministry and outreach programs. This incredible church community wants me help to bridge and grow these two programs. And honestly, I couldn't be more excited. I LOVE outreach and I LOVE working with youth. God knows what God's doing. And even though I was slightly hesitant at first, I cannot wait to get started!

Wisdom Teeth and Jesus Taking the Wheel

I don’t consider myself a “control freak” but as I am approaching my imminent wisdom teeth removal I am beginning to rethink that label. Tomorrow I am getting three teeth surgically removed and I am dreading it. Why though? People have this done all the time. You can go on Youtube and watch videos of people still loopy after they had this surgery. So why does this terrify me? Theoretically (and I pray it’s the case), I won’t feel a thing. I have tattoos and piercings that were probably more uncomfortable to receive. But, I realized, I was in control of those situations. Sure someone else was holding the needle, but I was saying what I wanted, where I wanted it, and, ultimately, I could stop the whole process if I wanted to. I was in control.  

I understand that labels do not truly matter but as I was hashing all these thoughts out, I asked myself “how does faith play into this?” Now, not necessarily how it plays into my wisdom teeth removal (though I am putting A LOT of faith in those doctors), but how does faith and this want for control work together? I know that as human beings this is something we struggle with. Why else would there be some many references to “Jesus taking the wheel?” We all want control but the beauty of faith is that we don’t need to be in control. We have a loving God who is always beside us, before us, within us. To continue the cliche and slightly annoying metaphor, we just have to ask God to take the wheel. This is obviously something that I am not good at. But God knows that. In Jeremiah Gad says, “for I know the plans I have for you….” I feel like that God is talking directly to me through that verse. God KNOWS the plans that God has for me, plans that give me hope and a future. So I can work on relinquishing control.

Maybe I am a “control freak.” And this is definitely something I’m challenging myself on. But I can rest easy tonight knowing that God has a plan for the loss of my wisdom tomorrow. But please still pray for me! Cause even though I know God’s got this, having teeth surgically removed still terrifies me!

Discernment!

A lot of times "discernment" can be a scary word. People talk about "discerning their calling" and that can be a really frightening, at least, it can be for me. However, over the past couple months, this word has come out of my mouth numerous times and it truly expresses where I currently am in my life. I graduate from college in less than a month. And I have been discerning what that means and what comes next. The "what comes next" is extremely intimidating for me. College was this perpetual place for me; a place that I love dearly and, for a while there, was not sure if I was ready to move away from.

In December I started thinking about what I am going to do after graduation. I have always wanted to take a year or two off before going to grad school. Plus, there are so many opportunities for recent graduates. My interest lies in social justice and the church, so I began looking into different internships/jobs/service years that incorporate this passion. I came across the Young Adult Service Corps (YASC), a program through the Episcopal Church that sends young adults "into the life of the worldwide Anglican Communion and into the daily work of a local community" (Young Adult Service Corps). 

In February, I was invited to a Discernment Weekend in New York with YASC. During this weekend, I met so many incredible people who have the same passion and desire to serve that I have. They encouraged me and challenged me. I learned more about YASC and the wonderful things are doing. At the end of the week my heart was so full and then the discernment truly came into play.

I spent the next week journaling, praying, and talking to family and friends. Luckily YASC, my friends, and my family set me up for an incredible discernment period. This whole time I was nervous about making the wrong decision but I learned through this process that God is in my decision and because of this there is no "wrong" decision. God will make it amazing no matter what. From this time discerning I knew that God is calling to do YASC. It is a step outside of my comfort zone and it's going to challenge me. But God will be there in the challenging moments, just as in my discernment. 

A Fear And A Dream: Part 2

This blog is entitled A Fear And A Dream referencing To Write Love On Her Arms's Fears vs Dreams campaign. This campaign encourages people to ask themselves, 'What's your biggest fear? What's your greatest dream?' (Fears vs. Dreams)

I added "Part 2" because this is my second time using that title for a blog. Around a year and a half ago I traveled to France to study abroad for my junior year of college. It was both a fear and a dream of mine, hence the title. It was a fear because I would be spending ten months away from my family and friends (the longest I'd ever been away) and I was traveling to a country where I was nowhere close to being fluent in the main language spoken (even after I lived there for ten months, I still am not good at French). But, it was also a dream. I had wanted to study abroad for basically my entire life. That dream was finally realized.

I resurrected the name because 1. I am not creative enough to come up with a new title! And 2. because this title still applies to what I am doing. This coming year I will be serving with the Young Adult Service Corps, an international program through the Episcopal Church. And when I discerned that this was where God was calling me, I was scared (if we're being honest here, I still am). Scared because I did not know where I would be sent. Scared because I have to raise $10,000. Scared because I would be spending a year away from my family and missing some very important events in my friends' lives. But it is still a dream. I want to use the gifts that God has given me to work with people who have gifts different than the ones I've been given. And I am so excited to be granted the opportunity to do this!